Praying Together

When Nathan and I first started dating, we were both very clear that we were looking for a serious relationship and a partner who was serious about Christ. We were living in different states at the time and as we were getting ready to part ways for the first time, Nathan asked if we could pray together. I remember us both feeling very tearful, but our relationship was in God's hands now. I couldn't remember a time before that when I felt more connected with anyone.

Do you realize when you pray with your spouse that you are sharing your most intimate connection with God with the person you are most intimate with on this earth? Doesn't it make sense that those two should go together? "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." (James 5:16)

I know the Bible has a lot to say about prayer. But what does the Bible say that is relevant to praying together with your spouse?

• Prayer is a direct connection with God who knows all about you! "Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!" (Psalm 66:20)
  
• God made the union between you and your spouse so He knows your relationship. (Gen. 1:27-28)
  
• God can help heal all wounds, mend character flaws, erase sin and give us a spirit of forgiveness. "Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing." (1 Tim. 2:8)
  

What is the one thing that we long for on this earth? It is a deep, intimate connection with someone. You want to find your best friend, your soul mate. You want that one person to know the real you more than anyone else and be the person you can tell anything to. God longs for this too! It was the whole purpose that the human race was created! God can satisfy better, longer and more fulfilling than anyone on this earth ever will!

God made marriage to be the ONLY earthly relationship to parallel the love that Christ had for the church (Ephesians 5:25). He was so devoted and so loved it that He gave up His life for it. (John 3:16) God is the key! Matthew 6:33 says "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you." When we seek God first, we will see our relationship flourish!

Too many times we try to accomplish things on our own. We think we know best. When we can't figure it out, we throw our hands up in exasperation or we wait until it has eaten away at so much that sometimes there is very little left of our relationships to recover. Sometimes we think just because God "already knows" that He doesn't want to hear us tell Him what is on our hearts. Just as your spouse yearns for knowledge on how you operate, why you are struggling and what they need to do about it...so does God! God is AVAILABLE and wants to help! "The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer." (Psalm 6:9)

There are several things on this earth that can form a bond of closeness between two people. Some are mental and some are physical...but may I suggest that the spiritual is most important and will bind you together better than any mind-blowing conversation or sexual experience ever will!

In our relationship, I have noticed an ebb and flow. I can tell when I feel less connected with my husband and it is definitely the times when I feel that our prayer life together is lacking. A spiritual connection with each other is more fulfilling and longer lasting. It can get you through times when a lack of quality or quantity of time exists in your marriage. "Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful." (Col. 4:2)

A few months ago, I was leading a ladies' bible study. The topic of praying with our husbands came up. I was shocked that ALL the women said they did not pray with their husbands. They had never let their husbands hear their most intimate conversations with the Most High God. These women felt that because their husbands were the leaders of the family that he should be the one to lead a prayer. Yikes! I can understand how many women may feel uncomfortable, but you are NOT praying in a church assembly! You are praying with your husband! Husbands, are you giving your wives the chance? Do you ever ask her to pray when you are alone?

If you are not in the habit of praying together, I suggest a prayer makeover! Here are some things we have tried with great success:

• Take turns praying in one prayer session.
• Alternate nights of who says a prayer.
• Wives, tell your husband your prayer requests and husbands, tell your wives yours. Then pray out loud for each other. "Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven." (Matt. 18:19)
  
• If something is especially weighing, take turns praying on the topic. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41)
  
• Make sure you set aside time when you are both wide awake and go to a quiet place. "The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray." (1 Peter 4:7)

I hope that this touches anyone out there who feels that there is something missing in their relationship. You may both love God and go to church faithfully...but what are you doing to serve Him and let Him into your marriage? Talk to Him TOGETHER! He WANTS to know!

Prayer: Dear Lord, teach us to be better at developing a prayer relationship with you in our marriages. Teach us to open up and bare it all to you, as we want to do with our spouses. Help these experiences bring us more intimately closer to each other, but especially with you.