Forgiveness

I have spent many nights since the inception of this blog thinking about the thoughts I want to share, what is most important, what I think will reach others... Then as I sat here writing and rewriting this post, there was one thing that came back to me. Forgiveness. We can get it through the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ, but we are so timid in giving it to one another...especially to the people we love the most.

I mentioned in my previous post that I can be really good at keeping "account of wrongs." If love is not demonstrated by keeping track of all the bad things that are done to you, then how do you fix that? The answer is in forgiveness.

I never really realized how bad I was at forgiving until I learned how good I was at giving the silent treatment. That got me absolutely no where except into a heated argument. Do you remember when you were a kid and you got into a spat with your brother or sister? I remember my parents making me hug my brother and say "I'm sorry." It was the most painful thing I had to do! Unfortunately, too many of us carry that over into our marriages, and I'll be the first to admit that I am terrible at forgiving.

I hated always being the bigger person until I realized that Jesus commanded me to be one. "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven." (Matthew 18:21-22) Do you know how fast an "I'm sorry" will diffuse a potentially volatile situation?

At a time when my marriage was really suffering and I was more upset with my husband than I had ever been before, I said to one of my wonderful friends, "How can I forgive him? Doesn't that send him the wrong message?" She replied to me, "No, Koren. You would be demonstrating the love of Christ. Christ forgives us every day for things we do and don't deserve to be forgiven for." "Nooooooooooooooooo!" I thought. "I want to be mad!" I thought that through and through until I realized "No, I don't. I don't want to be mad. I want it to be over and done. I want to move on!"

Those words of wisdom were not at all the words that I wanted to hear at that moment, but these ended up being some of the words that stuck with me through an incredibly difficult time. I kept thinking "I want to be like Christ. I want to demonstrate his love!" I prayed hard on this for weeks and God allowed me to have peace in my heart to begin to show forgiveness towards my husband.

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9)

The other thing that hit me in this scenario was that pride has no place in marriage. It is hard thing to tell someone that you are sorry or that you have done something wrong. Let me just say that I have found it very attractive when my husband says "I'm wrong. I'm sorry." It takes a very big person to be able to accept responsibility for something that hurt their spouse. Instead of an issue that escalates into a fight, things stay on a more manageable, calm level and then there is no reason to hold a grudge later on. Ephesians 4:26 says ""In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry."

I want my daughter to see us be able to say "I forgive you." I want her to see us be able to take responsibility for our actions and be able to say "I'm sorry." I want her to see the love of Christ demonstrated through our actions. Forgiveness is hard, but it is worth every minute of time you spend trying to get it or give it. My marriage was worth it, and so is yours.

Prayer: Dear Lord, thank you so much for the peace you have given me in my heart to learn to forgive. If anyone reading this has difficulty with forgiveness, may you soften their hearts and allow them to sacrifice their pride. Teach us how to not hold grudges and how to not sin when we are angry at our spouses. Help us demonstrate the forgiveness that Christ gives us, even when we do not deserve it.