Respect

"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 5:33)

Isn't it interesting that the Bible doesn't command wives to love their husbands? I think that is because emotionality and feelings come very easy for a wife. We think to ourselves, "if I just love him more, then he will change." Love usually isn't an issue, your husband knows that you love him, but there is still a lacking piece.

As I have mentioned before, Nathan and I were very blessed when someone suggested we read Emerson Eggerich's book "Love and Respect." I had already pondered the thoughts behind Ephesians 5:33, but this book called me out on my disrespect time and time again. On one hand, I was relieved to realize that I wasn't the only woman who struggled with this concept, but on the other hand, I cried thinking "This is so me!" through example after example of ways we can disrespect our husbands.

I remember my father talking to me about respect when I was younger. He would tell me that my behavior or my facial expressions or the tone of my voice was disrespectful. I'm sure I just rolled my eyes as a teenager, as this concept held very little value for me at the time. Then, as my husband and I were working through troubles in our marriage and he told me how important respect was to him, I began to see that I had A LOT of work to do.

There are many ways we can demonstrate respect our husbands. I remember in a ladies' bible study we had last year that the discussion leader said "Find out what your husband likes and try to make sure you do that for him regularly. If he likes a hot meal or a clean house, make an effort to show you respect his desires." I found out that Nathan really likes to have a hot, home-cooked meal on the table at a decent time and we have made a significant effort to make sure this is a part of our marriage on a regular basis.

We can show respect for his time and hard work. For many of us, our husbands are the main breadwinners in the family. They work long, hard hours so that we mothers can spend time at home with our children. Mothers have a hard job to do all day too! When our husband comes home, exhausted from work, we want him to take the kids and give us time for ourselves! But what he wants is to sit and unwind. We have often had to compromise in this area. I don't want to downplay the effort he has had to put in at work all day and make him feel that his contribution doesn't matter and that mine is the only important one that makes our house function! (Proverbs 22:29)

We can make ourselves available to our husbands on an intimate level. While I by no means want to launch into a graphic description, I do think it is an important thing that many people skip over because it is uncomfortable to talk about. It is unfair to withhold being intimate to your husband as a punishment or to let this area of your relationship slack. If your husband begins to think that you won't put an effort into this significant part of a relationship, he may begin to feel that you don't care about what he thinks or feels. When a woman withholds intimacy from a man, the man will in turn not give the woman the love she desires! (1 Corinthians 7:5)

We can watch our tone and facial expressions as we talk or fight. I know that Nathan and I have had SEVERAL discussions about the tone in which we present things with. Some things that are meant to be harmless can quickly escalate into a full-on fight without it ever meaning to! Being snippy or harsh with your tone is a really quick way to demonstrate to your husband that you don't respect what he says. (Proverbs 15:1)

We can listen when he has something to share. This can be challenging at times when our attention is divided, especially once you have children. Your husband might be sharing something with you from his day, and if we don't listen it shows him that we don't care what he has to say. He may just quit sharing things with you if you keep up this destructive kind of behavior! (James 1:19)

A lack of respect in a marriage can be extremely detrimental! Since the husband is supposed to be the head of the household or the leader in your relationship, his position warrants respect. Take time today and ask your husband how important respect is to him and how you can demonstrate respect to him...or take it a step further and ask how you do NOT demonstrate respect to him. Pray that God will give you the ability to show your husband the respect he deserves!

Some of you may be saying..."my husband doesn't deserve my respect!" Well, if you are a Christian and you know what God says about marriage and the role between husband and wife (Ephesians 5:22), then I beg you to change this attitude! I try to reflect daily on things that I respect about Nathan and make sure that I share it with him. When he feels that he is respected and I am confident in his ability to lead this family, then I notice a huge difference in his willingness to fulfill his headship responsibilities. Try it...it can only lead to good things!

Prayer:Thank you Lord for giving me a greater respect for my husband and his contribution to our marriage. Please help all wives not to tear down their husbands by their disrespectful behaviors, but instead to encourage them by our chaste and reverent behavior (1 Peter 3:2).