Affection

If you asked a woman to describe how she wants a man to talk to her and treat her, she would probably use the word "affectionately." Women are wired very differently from men in this way. Men are more physically stimulated by touching and visual stimulation. Men are often more sexual in nature. Women, on the other hand, are more emotional. They long for sweet nothings and tender touches.

Women need affection for affirmation of their husbands' feelings. Affection cultivates the environment of the relationship. They need to hear your love for and devotion to them. And for men, it the is gateway to intimacy with his wife. As a man, I have a hard time doing that.

When your wife says "How do I look?," she is not looking for a "fine." She is looking for positive words that will help her self image. A woman is constantly wanting to make sure that her husband finds her attractive. It is our job as husbands to reaffirm to our wives that we do find her attractive and we still have a desire for her.

Song of Solomon 4:1-4 says:
"You're so beautiful, my darling, so beautiful,
and your dove eyes are veiled
By your hair as it flows and shimmers,
like a flock of goats in the distance
streaming down a hillside in the sunshine.
Your smile is generous and full—
expressive and strong and clean.
Your lips are jewel red,
your mouth elegant and inviting,
your veiled cheeks soft and radiant.
The smooth, lithe lines of your neck
command notice—all heads turn in awe and admiration!"
(The Message)

What lessons we can learn from Solomon! How many of us talk to our wives like that? When our kids come home from school and we say "How was your day?" we definitely don't want to hear just "fine" out of them! Then why is it okay not to compliment our wives?

On the same token, wives, your husbands need to hear positive words of affirmation. We want to know that you look up to us, that you need us, that you find us attractive and that you are interested.

Solomon has something to say about that too! Song of Solomon 5:10-15 says:
"My dear lover glows with health—
red-blooded, radiant!
He's one in a million.
There's no one quite like him!
My golden one, pure and untarnished,
with raven black curls tumbling across his shoulders.
His eyes are like doves, soft and bright,
but deep-set, brimming with meaning, like wells of water.
His face is rugged, his beard smells like sage,
His voice, his words, warm and reassuring.
Fine muscles ripple beneath his skin,
quiet and beautiful.
His torso is the work of a sculptor,
hard and smooth as ivory.
He stands tall, like a cedar,
strong and deep-rooted,
A rugged mountain of a man,
aromatic with wood and stone."
(The Message)

Song of Solomon 5:16 summarizes my point... "His words are kisses, his kisses words. Everything about him delights me, thrills me through and through!" (The Message)

Husbands and wives...never underestimate the power of kind and edifying words to one another. They are the foundation of your relationship and will lead to the next step in affection...physical touch.

Husbands, one thing I've learned in my marriage is that sexual advances are not a substitute for affectionate touch! Affectionate touching such as; holding my wife's hand, caressing my wife's hair, giving a back rub, or cuddling on the couch while watching television is just as important, if not more so, than any other interaction between a husband and wife. This kind of affection makes my wife feel closer to me and makes us feel more connected as a couple on an emotionally intimate level. When your wife feels more connected to you emotionally, then she will connect with you more physically.

When you are not connected emotionally to your spouse, this opens you up for several dangers in your relationship. These could be isolation from one another, animosity, frustration, or as severe as a potential affair. Husbands, if you are not meeting the emotional needs of your wife, be very aware that this opens your relationship to others filling that position. Wives, on the same token, be sure to fulfill your husbands physical needs, or the same danger exists.

1 Corinthians 7:3 says "The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband." (NASB)

1 Corinthians 7:4 reminds us that our bodies are no longer our own and 1 Corinthians 7:5 reminds us that Satan will tempt us if we do not fulfill each others needs!

Husbands, don't underestimate or dismiss the power that affectionate words and touch can have in your relationship. Gary Chapman in the "Love Language Minute Devotional" says "When we marry, our bodies are no longer just our own. We can use touch as a gift to each other. Remember, love is about seeking to meet your spouse's needs and not your own. You don't touch because it feels comfortable to you, but because it communicates love to your beloved." It may take some work (or a lot of work), but it is worth the effort for a more fulfilling relationship.

Prayer: Father, I thank you for the love that you show me and I pray that you help me show my wife that I love her through demonstrating affection by my words and touch. Please help anyone that this does not come natural to, to get outside their comfort zone so they may communicate affection to their spouse. Help us all to create a more emotionally fulfilling relationship with one another.