Perfection

I am a perfectionist. I love to get things done in a quick and organized manner. I love even more to have a gleaming finished product. I'm talking anything and everything from work to my house. I never realized how much it spilled over into my relationships, specifically in my marriage.

When Nathan and I were engaged, my mom told him that I had high expectations, and he said he was aware of that. We had many conversations over our long distance dating that spelled out exactly what each of us was looking for in a mate. We knew exactly what we were getting ourselves into, right? Well, let's just say easier said than done! I think anyone who has been married for any significant period of time would back me up on that one!

What I didn't realize that my expectations weren't just high, but they were nearly impossible. But he knew that getting into this, right? But what I ended up with was disappointment after disappointment. Finally, one day when I was venting to my mother about how things were going she said "Koren, if you expect Nathan to be perfect, then you will never be satisfied. He is human, give him some room to make mistakes."

Wow, what a powerful statement. It is such an obvious statement, but one that I was completely overlooking. I never let Nathan off the hook for anything! BUT HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS GETTING HIMSELF INTO, RIGHT???? I unfortunately realized that there was some selfishness and pride rooted deep into my inability to settle for anything less than perfect. Man, is that humbling. I don't know that she expected for that statement to have that effect on me, but it has definitely stuck with me.

There has only been ONE perfect person EVER, and that is Jesus Christ. Hebrews 4:15 says "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin."

Here are the three conclusions that I came to when meditating on this thought:

1) I need to cut myself some slack. I really didn't have a good reason to need things to be so perfect except it was just my preference. All the pressure on myself and on my husband was causing me a lot of stress. I don't particularly enjoy stress so why was I allowing myself to create that kind of environment for myself and others? When I started to learn to let go a little bit, then I found there was a whole lot less to worry about! Matthew 6:27 says "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

2) I need to cut my husband some slack. My husband is not Jesus! He is not perfect! Then why on earth was I expecting him to be? My unfair expectations were straining our relationship. When it comes to housework, we have assigned chores now. When it comes to problem solving, we sit down and talk it out. There is a lot of positive to having two heads involved in a marriage, in parenting, and in spiritual things! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." I should not be a downer to my husband when we are in this together!

3) While neither of us may be perfect and neither of us is Jesus, if we TRY to be perfect like him, it will greatly improved our marriage. It really all does come down to making God and Jesus the head of your relationship! Read Ephesians 5:21-30. This tells us exactly why our marriages should emulate Christ! Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church! Wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord! If we are striving to be like Christ and be the wives and husbands that he describes...then we WILL meet each others expectations.

When I stopped trying to make everything around me perfect, the whole world opened up! I wasn't experiencing disappointment, but freedom! Freedom to let things be "just okay." Freedom to make mistakes. Freedom to try harder to serve Christ by serving my husband.
Instead of tearing down my husband with harsh words due to my unfair expectations, I strive to build him up by acknowledging the things he does do, is capable of, and wants to be. Respecting my husbands imperfections helps to make our marriage stronger.

What can you find about your spouse that you can let go of today?

Prayer: Lord, thank you so much for showing me that Jesus is the only perfect person that has ever been on this earth. Don't let my expectations become too burdensome to myself and especially to my husband in our marriage. Please help us all to let go of the things that are not important to make our marriages stronger.