Nathan's Marriage Busters

I doubt myself a lot. Maybe I shouldn't because most people who know me would say that I'm pretty outgoing, smart, and funny. Me, I see myself as unsure and shy. I hate public speaking. I'm good at my job, but I don't love it. If it was up to me, I would be on the internet reading articles about planes and the weather all day long. But that is not what God has called me to do.

When I got married, I became an instant leader, a quality that didn't necessarily come naturally to me. I was a little wild back in my younger years and when Koren and I met, I was just on the upswing of reestablishing my relationship with God. When I met her, she was exactly what I wasn't. Organized, punctual, driven and involved. She balanced me out and made me better. Koren will be the first to tell you that she is a little high-strung, and I was more laid-back so this was a win-win situation.

The first time I ever saw her picture, I knew I was going to marry her. Love at first sight. Yeah, I still believe in it, but let me say that there is much, much, much more to a marriage than love.
Who doesn't like to just hang out when they get home? I'm exhausted. I work long hours on my feet in a heavy lead apron. I get home and my wife is wanting me to take out the trash, help fold laundry...now it is to relieve her from our daughter for just 15 minutes of time for her. Why was she always so stressed and so upset? Why couldn't she just sit down and watch tv with me at the end of the day? The house can wait, right?

The first time I realized how hard it was on Koren was when she was pregnant. She drove 45 minutes to/from work and worked 10 hour days. She would come home and still have dinner to make and the house to clean. I have Mondays off and I liked to enjoy my day off. Rest, surf the net, catch up on the DVR. One night she let me have it. "I'm pregnant, working 40 plus hours, and keeping up with the house by myself! Is it too much to ask that you help on your day off?" YES IT IS, I would think. Then the baby came. It was harder and worse on her to keep up with everything because our baby would hardly ever let her be put down. She was so stressed...why wouldn't she just leave me alone?

I never knew why it was that big of a deal. Then one day, as my marriage was in its darkest place, I realized...I am lazy. I don't like to do things. I don't like to take initiative. Why? I don't know...but it wasn't helping my marriage. Then I decided to change.

It was Christmas day. Both sets of our parents were coming over for dinner. My wife and I were in the kitchen with matching aprons on. Our daughter was playing with her new toys and my wife was not stressed. Not one bit. Why is she so different? Then it hit me. It's because I'm being helpful. It's because she doesn't have to focus on a million things at once. She's happy and she's enjoying herself. Then I really began to fall in love with her all over again.

Genesis 2:18 says that God made woman to be a helper to man. Doesn't that imply that we should be in it together? We are one spirit, one flesh, so we should be united, even in "menial" things like housework!

My attitude also reflected one other fatal flaw and it was ultimately what put our marriage at it's most risky state... I was selfish. I was selfish with my time, with...well everything, I guess. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I was out for what suited me. This was when Satan captured my heart.

I let other things and other people fill my life. I let anger creep into my heart. I quit talking to my wife about things that bothered me about life and about our marriage. I literally shut down and made no effort to change it. We would fight and she would ask me to change, and I would agree and then make no effort.

Finally, one day as I faced whether or not my marriage would stay alive, I realized that I had to change. It had to be more than words, it had to be action. I had to serve my wife. I had to show her I loved her. Sometimes to her, that meant helping her keep up with the house or keeping my daughter occupied so she could take a shower. It meant sacrifice of self. It meant telling God, I sacrifice ALL of myself to have ALL of you...and ALL of my wife.

I love my wife. I love my daughter. My family is more precious to me than I ever though imaginable. I determined in my heart to confess my sins, put away my sins, sacrifice myself and to become a servant to become a leader and someone my family could be proud of. Someone my wife would be happy to have on her arm. Someone my daughter will look up to one day. Someone that people will look at and say "He is a Christian."

Then my marriage began to heal.

Prayer: God, thank you for teaching me to rise to be a leader in my family. May any man who reads this realize that it is never too late to become a leader in his own family. May we all learn to sacrifice ourselves for our wives and to learn to demonstrate our love by whatever means necessary.