Helping your Husband be a Better Leader

The Bible is very clear on the leadership role that a husband is supposed to play in the marriage relationship.  So what happens if your husband struggles as a leader?  Here are some ideas to encourage your husband towards his God-given role:

1)      Don’t try to be the dominant personality in your relationship.  This can be a very difficult thing for strong-willed women to handle.  Many women feel that it says something negative about themselves if they allow their husband to be the head in their marriage.  After the sin in the Garden, Eve was told that her “desire would be to control (her) husband, but he will rule over (her).” (Genesis 3:16)  It is a huge blow to a husband who has been created by God to fulfill this role to have a wife who is constantly trying to take it from him.

2)      If he makes attempts at being a leader, let him.  One thing we’ve learned in our relationship is that when there are attempts being made at growth, it is detrimental and counterproductive for one of us to undo what the other is doing.

3)      Don’t strong arm him into trying to be a better leader.  Think about this in terms of your children.  What child, when forced to do something, ever learns to do it for themself or think for themself?  So what husband, when constantly being chided by his wife, will become a better leader?  The Bible tells us that husbands can be won over by the “chaste and respectful behavior” of their wives (1 Peter 3:7).

4)      Build him up with kind words.  If your husband believes that you support him, no matter what kind of leader he is, he’ll naturally work harder to make sure he stays in your favor.

5)      Afford him some grace when he has lapses in his leadership.  This is difficult to do.  Many times we forget that we ALL “fall short” and that we have to forgive one another when that happens.  How do we forget so often that Christ offers us grace when we fall? (James 4:6)

6)      Pray for him.  We don’t have the power to change hearts, only God does.  God always listens, even when a husband may not. (Phil. 4:6)

I know there have been times where we have had discussions and I say to my husband “I want you to step up more!”  In response, I am usually given one of two things: A) “You’re right.  I need to do better.” Or B) “I’m trying but you won’t let me do it my way.”  A wife who craves good leadership from her husband shouldn’t be overly excited about either answer, but hopefully a conversation of this magnitude will cause you both to examine how you are fulfilling your God-given roles in marriage and cause you to do better for one another.

Prayer: Lord, help our husbands to be good leaders of our families.  Help us to be supportive and submissive.  When they struggle along the way, help us to lift them up instead of tear them down.