10 Things your Children Should Learn from your Marriage

When we took our littlest one, to the doctor last week we started talking to the him about our lack of sleep as of late.  We jokingly talked about how our crabbiness due to a lack of Zzzz's can seep into every crevice of our life and get us agitated with one another.  He then proceeded to give us a lecture about the importance of getting good sleep, resting when the kids rest, etc.  And then he ended the conversation with this piece of advice.  "The best thing you can do for your kids, is to have a good marriage."

This coming from our pediatrician?  Or did it say "psychologist" outside the office and we just missed it?  When we started thinking and discussing it and came up with this list of ten things we want our kids to learn from our marriage.

1) It's good to be affectionate.  I think sometimes parents are to worried for their kids to observe them in any sort of affectionate situation with their spouse.  How else are kids supposed to learn how and when the appropriate time to be affectionate is?  Their friends and peers will certainly teach them once they get into middle school and high school (or sooner, these days!).  Don't go overboard, but your kids should see you having some sort of physical contact with your spouse!

2) Be good sports.  Just recently, we were engaged in some games with a group of families.  One of the parents refused to participate because their spouse was already playing.  The reason?  They are too competitive with one another and therefore refuse to engage in any sort of competition together.  The unfortunate aspect of this is their kids don't get to see them rise above this and let go to have a good time.

3) Be quick to forgive (and do it out loud).  We know that love isn't supposed to "keep account of wrongs" (1 Cor. 13:5), but all too often we do.  We need to let go of "the weights that so easily beset us" (Heb. 12:2).  Showing forgiveness to our spouses teaches our kids mercy, compassion, and humility.  The more you see and do this with your spouse (and your kids!), the more likely they will be to carry this into their future relationships.

4) Be quick to praise.  We just got to hear a story from a woman who has been married 51 years.  She noted that one of the keys in her relationship has been to openly praise her husband.  This past Sunday's church bulletin had an article that concluded with a man surveying the disarray of his home only to find his wife in bed with a book.  When he asked her what happened, her reply was "You know when you come home and ask me what I've done all day?  Well today I didn't do it!"  When we studied the 5 Love Languages, "words of affirmation" was Nathan's love language.  Acknowledging a job well done in your home is always very important!

5) Be quick to apologize.  Maybe apologizing and forgiveness go hand in hand.  Forgiving is when you've been wronged, and apologizing is acknowledging when you've done the wrong.  Both are equally as important in a marriage.  Apologizing often requires a spouse to "be the bigger person" and humble themselves enough to admit their faults.  There are many virtues to be found in one who is able to sacrifice their own pride to say "I'm sorry."  Those two little words can do so much! (And if you want your kids to say it nicely to one another...they had better see their parents doing the same!)

6) Persevere.  In this day and age when divorce rates are on the rise, it is so uncommon for couples to persevere in their relationships.  "For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health" sometimes means only as 'worse or poor or sick as I can tolerate' instead of 'I'll stick with you through anything.'  Kids need to see parents who are committed to working through the issues, no matter how hard, and building their relationship to be stronger.

7) Pray together.  Every time your children see you bow your heads together, they will see how important you take your relationship with God, and they will see that you do it together.  It's important to pray for one another in your family and to know that you are actively be prayed for!

8) Worship together.  We hear a lot of couples who have interfaith marriages discuss how difficult it is trying to raise kids when they don't have similar religious beliefs or one spouse is an unbeliever.  What a mixed message to send to kids!  Parents should be openly committed to studying their Bible as a family and learning what God's will is for them.

9)  Know when to hold your tongue.  We had another woman tell us one of the secrets to her long-lasting marriage was learning when to bite her tongue.  Some fights aren't worth having, most jabs aren't worth giving, and some comments aren't worth making.  Sometimes we need to learn that controlling the tongue is one of the most difficult things to do, but taming it can only lead to good things.

10) In our marriage, with God, all things are possible.  Our faith in God should be able to help us conquer anything good or bad, no matter how big or small.  If our kids see our faith wavering, they should also see us trying to restore each other. 

This list could probably go on, but it was a good chance for us to sit down and set some goals for our family.  What things can you add to this list?

Blessing Our Husbands Through Prayer

I just recently taught a ladies' bible class on prayer and one of our topics was about learning how to better cover our husbands completely in prayer.  I would like to share this lesson with you now!  Enjoy (and please do not be hindered by the odd formatting)!

 

BLESSING OUR HUSBANDS THROUGH PRAYER

Adapted from “31 Days of Praying for your Husband” ReviveOurHearts.com

I.                     A Responsibility and a Privilege

A.      Paul instructed ALL Christians to pray for one another (Eph. 6:18)

B.      Prayer is good for your home (Prov. 31:11-12)

C.      Satan wants to destroy your husband’s character, leadership, morality, and relationships

D.     Prayer is a way to cover you, your husband, and your marriage from Satan’s snares and to put it in God’s hands

II.                   “She does Him Good” (Prov. 31:12a): Ways to Pray for your Husband

A.      Responsibilities

                                                               i.      Disciplined in Bible study- 2 Pet. 3:18

                                                             ii.      He will practice self-control in his sexuality and yield himself only to you- 1 Cor. 7:2-5

                                                           iii.      He will choose healthy, God-honoring activities and hobbies- 1 Cor. 10:31

                                                           iv.      He will help guard your family against Satan’s attacks-Eph. 6:13

                                                             v.      He will understand the importance of taking care of his body- Rom. 12:1

                                                           vi.      He will surrender his time and talents to the Lord- Eph. 5:15-16

                                                         vii.      He will be a man of prayer- Jas. 5:16

B.      Stewardship

                                                               i.      He will work to Provide for your Family- 2 Thess. 3:10

                                                             ii.      He will Handle Finances Wisely- Heb. 13:5

                                                           iii.      He will make Wise and Practical Decisions about your family’s welfare- Phil. 2:3-4

                                                           iv.      He will balance work and play

                                                             v.      He will pursue only those goals that will bring God glory- Jer. 29:11

C.      Character

                                                               i.      Humble enough to admit sin- Psa. 51:2-4

                                                             ii.      He will be faithful to your wedding vows- Gen. 2:24

                                                           iii.      He will take a clear stand against evil- Rom. 12:21

                                                           iv.      He will be a man of integrity- 1 Tim. 3:7

                                                             v.      He will have a teachable heart- Eph. 6:6

                                                           vi.      He will build you up with his words and not use filthy language- Eph. 4:29

                                                         vii.      His manliness will pattern Christ- 1 Pet. 2:21

                                                       viii.      He will reject materialism and seek Christ first- Matt. 6:33

                                                           ix.      He will be slow to anger and a man of peace- Rom. 14:19

                                                             x.      In times of stress, he will surrender his schedule to the Lord- Psa. 16:11

                                                           xi.      He will resist the temptation to view pornography- Prov. 27:12

                                                         xii.      He will serve God and others with pure motives- Col. 3:23-24

                                                       xiii.      He will recognize the lies of the Enemy and will allow his life to be led by truth- 2 Cor. 10:4-5

D.     Relationships

                                                               i.      He will fear God- Prov. 3:7

                                                             ii.      He will grow leadership skills in your marriage- Eph. 5:25

                                                           iii.      He will safeguard against inappropriate relationships with the opposite sex- Rom. 13:14

                                                           iv.      He will choose his friends wisely- 1 Cor. 15:33

                                                             v.      He will practice forgiveness in your relationship and with others- Eph. 4:32

                                                           vi.      He will be a good father, disciplining and loving his children- Eph. 6:4

III.                 How do we Pray for Ourselves as it Relates to our Husbands

A.      Submission- Col. 3:18

B.      Sexuality- 1 Cor. 7:3-6

C.      Respectful- Eph. 5:33

D.     Reverent Behavior- 1 Pet. 3:1-2

IV.                For the Unmarried

A.      How could these principles still apply if you were praying for your future husband?

                                                               i.      Do you want a man of godly character?

                                                             ii.      Do you want a man who will support and provide for his family?

                                                           iii.      Do you want a man who is a good friend and lover?

                                                           iv.      Do you want a man who is a good father?

B.      How could these principles still apply if you were praying for your ex-husband?

                                                               i.      Do you still hope this man comes to Christ/returns to Christ?

                                                             ii.      Do you still hope this man can be a good father if you have children?

                                                           iii.      Do you still hope this man can have a good reputation?

                                                           iv.      Do you hope that you could reconcile with this man?

V.                  Praying with your Husband

A.      “teaching over a man” does not apply

B.      Aquila and Priscilla taught together

C.      Emotional/spiritual way to be intimate

D.     Knowing you are praying for him is a confidence builder for your husband

                                                               i.      He knows you and God are on his side

                                                             ii.      He knows you are being supportive

                                                           iii.      He feels empowered

                                                           iv.      He feels loved and respected

 

10 Ways to Make Sure you have a Miserable Marriage

We have been wanting to write this post for some time now.  We had a visiting preacher come and speak to us a few months back on "10 Surefire Ways to be a Miserable Person."  As he was speaking, we thought how applicable this is to marriage!  So, thank you Andy Brenton for this idea!

10 Ways to Make Sure you Have a Miserable Marriage

1)You think and talk about yourself as much as possible.

2) You measure your happiness in the amount of money you have and the stuff you have,
BUT- Hebrews 13:5 tells us to "keep from the love of money!"

3)  You do your best to be suspicious and jealous of your spouse.
BUT- Song of Solomon 8:6 tells us that "jealousy is as cruel as the grave!"

4) You are super sensitive, easily offended, and impossible to be comforted.
BUT- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us how love really acts!

5) You don't ever forget a criticism or offense.
BUT- Eph. 4:31 tells us to put away malice and forgive!

6) You think the worst of your spouse, assume they are going to fail you or stereotype them into a role.

7)  You push your own opinions on your sposue to the point of contention.
Are you "being a Pharisee?" (Mark 7:9)

8)  You don't ever forget and don't let your spouse forget all the good you have done
BUT- Prov. 16:18 tells us the humble retain honor!  AND- Matthew 6:1-4 tells us not to do things to be seen by men!

9)  You shirk your responsibilites whenever you can. (Matthew 27:24)

10) You refuse to show mercy or compassion to your spouse. (Mark 11:25)

After this sermon, we were able to sit down and identify where some of these things have crept into our marriage at one time or another.  Misery loves company, but no one loves to be miserable!  So, is it easier to be miserable than to be happy?  The Bible tells us in John 14:6 that the way is Jesus!  We must have Christ-centered marriages and demonstrate the love towards our spouses that Christ and His church demonstrate for one another...love, sacrifice, worship, mercy, compassion!

Prayer:  Lord, help us to be uplifting in our marriage instead of creating circumstances where we make ourselves and our spouses miserable people.  Help our marriages to be ones of happiness that glorify you.