Reflections of a Single Man

Marriage. I am not married. Nor have I ever been married. But I can see and I can read. And Marriage isn't what it used to be. I remember seeing people that were 70+ years old. Married couples who had been together through trial, through heartbreak, through stress, through fear, through war, through everything that you can possibly have to deal with and you know what, they were still together. You... know why? Because they respected each other. They treated each other with kindness and compassion. They gave their lives to that person and never selfishly took anything from the other. This is what has brought me here. Seeing selfishness win over compassion. Seeing apathy win over love. I can say with all honesty, that if I were married this very day and this very hour, I would love, honor, and cherish my wife as if she were my own body. I would hold her in higher esteem than anyone else. I would devote myself to her. Care for her. Give her my all and all. I would die for her because that is what love is. Marriage is being with the one you love. Love is sacrificing for that person. Sacrifice cannot occur if all you do is take. If you stifle the one you love they will suffocate. If you take all they can give and still want more they will dry up. If you break them down until they are nothing more than a husk, then you have quite effectively turned a human being into nothing more than an animal. A frightened and weak animal that cannot stand on its own. You have taken its dignity. You have taken its drive. Its ability to produce anything on its own. You have taken all you can. Now you need to stop taking and for the first time in your life give something back. A wise man once told me that women are precious. The first gift ever given on this Earth was a woman. And I don't mean wrapped with ribbon. I mean Eve. God saw that Adam was lonely and he made Eve. Eve was the most precious thing Adam could have ever asked for. And he loved her. He gave her all he could and she gave to him in like manner. If only such things could be true today.

Ladies and Gentleman if you still believe that marriage and love are more than just being able to tell someone what to do, how to think, how to feel, how to behave, or how to live their life. If you believe that to give is more important than to take. If you believe that Love is a sacrifice that reaps more rewards than you could ever truly hope for, please share this. Send it to everyone. Let all the world know that Love is real. It is still here and we shall share it.

1 John 3:18
1 Corinthians 13
Romans 13:8
Ephesians 4:2
Ephesians 5:28, 29

God gave us the ability. Let us finally start to use it again.

 

by Joshua Sommers

used with permission

Encouraging your Wife in her Role as Helper

Following the previous post, the Bible is also very clear on the helper role that a wife is supposed to play in the marriage relationship.  So what happens if your wife has trouble playing the supporting role?  Here are some ideas to encourage your wife towards her God-given role:

1)      Encourage her to be submissive by treating her lovingly.  It is easy for wives to show love towards their husbands, but sometimes it is not so easy the other way around.  When your wife feels loved, she will be more open to treating her husband with the respect he deserves. (Eph. 5:25-33)  Submission is an attitude of respect so be someone that she can respect.

2)      Ask her opinion and treat her thoughts with value.  If this is not something that you routinely do, you will probably find that you have a wife that interjects her opinion frequently.  This opens up the way for disputes and power struggles.  So when there is a weighty decision to be made, or even something of less consequence that might cause your wife worry, ask her what she thinks.  Tell her that you will consider all that she has to say.  Remember that God didn’t think that man should be alone and created a helper for him! (Gen. 2:18)

3)      Listen carefully when she has concerns.  There is nothing worse than a guy who comes home and tunes out his wife.  Chances are she has been waiting to talk to you all day.  Maybe it’s serious, and maybe it’s not. If you make a point of listening thoroughly about the small things (how she decided what to make for dinner, how she managed to get the errands done, how her day was at work).  Then when the big things arise, she will be more likely to approach you sooner and know that she has your undivided attention.

4)      Ask her how you can be of help to her today.  If you have a wife who stays home with the kids, then you know when you get home from work, the last thing she wants is for you to mentally and physically check-out.  She is exhausted too, from taking care of your children or from working.  Chances are you aren’t the only one who has had a busy day, so take a few minutes and ask her how you can help.  If you invest in her physical and mental well-being, she will most likely return the favor.  This can only be a good thing! (Prov. 18:22)

5)      Make good decisions so that she will trust your judgment.  This point weighs on the husbands alone.  If you want her to “let you” make decisions, then make good ones.  If you don’t give her a reason to doubt you, then she won’t.  This is how we operate with our children…we aren’t so unlike that at times!

6)      Pray for her.  Again, if your wife knows that you are invested in her emotionally, physically, and in this case, spiritually, she is going to appreciate you.  God can help husbands be better leaders and He can also help us guide our wives into their helper role. (Ecc. 4:9-12)

You know, before we got married about eight years ago, I remember thinking how much I loved my wife’s headstrong personality.  I still do.  I love that she can be independent, I love that she is capable of thinking for herself, and I love that she can multitask unlike any other.  But as the leadership role is mine and not hers, it has definitely set us up for difficulty at times.  But she has encouraged me along the way to make sure that I am being the leader and not forcing her into that position.  It’s interesting when you think about it that way.  I guess it just goes to show you that the marriages roles are not independent of one another, but interdependent.  God sure did know what He was doing!

Prayer: God, help us husbands to be good leaders in our families so that we can encourage our wives in their roles as help meets.  Help us to treat our wives with great value, so as to build our marriages into stronger ones.

 

Helping your Husband be a Better Leader

The Bible is very clear on the leadership role that a husband is supposed to play in the marriage relationship.  So what happens if your husband struggles as a leader?  Here are some ideas to encourage your husband towards his God-given role:

1)      Don’t try to be the dominant personality in your relationship.  This can be a very difficult thing for strong-willed women to handle.  Many women feel that it says something negative about themselves if they allow their husband to be the head in their marriage.  After the sin in the Garden, Eve was told that her “desire would be to control (her) husband, but he will rule over (her).” (Genesis 3:16)  It is a huge blow to a husband who has been created by God to fulfill this role to have a wife who is constantly trying to take it from him.

2)      If he makes attempts at being a leader, let him.  One thing we’ve learned in our relationship is that when there are attempts being made at growth, it is detrimental and counterproductive for one of us to undo what the other is doing.

3)      Don’t strong arm him into trying to be a better leader.  Think about this in terms of your children.  What child, when forced to do something, ever learns to do it for themself or think for themself?  So what husband, when constantly being chided by his wife, will become a better leader?  The Bible tells us that husbands can be won over by the “chaste and respectful behavior” of their wives (1 Peter 3:7).

4)      Build him up with kind words.  If your husband believes that you support him, no matter what kind of leader he is, he’ll naturally work harder to make sure he stays in your favor.

5)      Afford him some grace when he has lapses in his leadership.  This is difficult to do.  Many times we forget that we ALL “fall short” and that we have to forgive one another when that happens.  How do we forget so often that Christ offers us grace when we fall? (James 4:6)

6)      Pray for him.  We don’t have the power to change hearts, only God does.  God always listens, even when a husband may not. (Phil. 4:6)

I know there have been times where we have had discussions and I say to my husband “I want you to step up more!”  In response, I am usually given one of two things: A) “You’re right.  I need to do better.” Or B) “I’m trying but you won’t let me do it my way.”  A wife who craves good leadership from her husband shouldn’t be overly excited about either answer, but hopefully a conversation of this magnitude will cause you both to examine how you are fulfilling your God-given roles in marriage and cause you to do better for one another.

Prayer: Lord, help our husbands to be good leaders of our families.  Help us to be supportive and submissive.  When they struggle along the way, help us to lift them up instead of tear them down.