A few years ago, my husband and I did the "5 Love Languages" devotional. It was very interesting to see what our love languages were and what we thought each other's were. Mine was a definite "acts of service." I see my husband showing me the greatest amount of love and feel the most love towards him when I see him engaging around our home. His love language was "words of affirmation." Honestly until we had done this devotional, his need for this had not really crossed my mind. Essentially what my husband was asking from me is to build him up with compliments, thanks, and kind words.
Over the course of our marriage, we have had several animated discussions over how the tone of our voice or the things that we say can determine whether or not a fight occurs. Truthfully, this is probably the single-most common conversation we've had in our marriage. So the question is...what was I doing well and what was I not doing well or at all? After much reflection and discussion, here is what I feel like I should be constantly aware of and working on when it comes to demonstrating my husband's love language.
1) Thank him often for his hard work. My husband works very hard at a job that he is very good at. His hard work allows me to spend most of my time at home with our two beautiful children. He often puts in long and difficult hours that can affect him physically, mentally and emotionally. He offers us a comfortable home and lots of nice things. We are a blessed family and we can thank him for providing for us.
2) Compliment him often. It's one thing just to not utter cross words to your spouse. It's another to make an effort to provide them with a compliment. My husband likes to know when he wears an outfit that I find attractive or when I think he smells particularly good. I have noticed my compliments usually encourage more of these behaviors too!
3) Compliment him publicly. It's good that your know how much of a stud your husband is, but it's a great thing for others to know too! My husband appreciates when I am proud of him and make it known to others. Sometimes your compliments may even open doors that you weren't expecting!
4) Don't tattle on him to others. One way to discourage others from saying or thinking about my husband in a positive way is to talk negatively about him to others. What you say when you're angry, but you are capable of forgiving, may not be so easy for someone else to forgive or forget. Build up your spouse to others and leave the rest between you, your spouse and God.
5) Don't forget to thank God for him and let them know that you lift him in prayer. I count my husband as one of my biggest assets and I cannot imagine another partner in this life. I try to make it a point of praying for my husband and my marriage on a regular basis.
I am by no means perfect in this area. This is something that I struggle to achieve, probably more than I am good at doing it. It takes conscious practice until it becomes automatic. Not robot automatic, but a natural extension of who you are. I have been amazed when a kind word can turn around a bad work day, give my husband pride, encourage affection, and many other things. This could apply to wives too- this post isn't just about husbands! Remember that a "kind answer turns away wrath" (Proverbs 15:1) and that was guidance given for all!
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